The Wedding Singer and The Undertaker

by Christa Couture

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1.
She was cold lying on his bedroom floor The autumn window open, the air marching to frozen But other than her skin she was warm Because the boy that lay beside her his light was burning golden He is happiest when things are stable and unchanged Most content with calm and small Whereas she is a circus of unusual and strange And even if she wants to can’t hold on to Anything at all Along those lines of thinking His ship was sinking after a five year sail All the while she was starting and stopping She was box car hopping to no avail And it seems her sad story could be over on this page If she takes this writer for a lover than her story will change She puts the pen in his hand, leans into him Says “write me a kiss, then write me a kiss again” The path for him and the path for her To this moment builds the overture to a symphony That they’re composting on the cold floor The sounds of delight and surprise and falling fill the city For a girl so lost and saddened how fast it happened That she gained A sense of being worthy of such beauty As he contains And it seems her sad story could be over on this page If she takes this painter for a lover than her story will change She puts the brush in his hand, leans in to him Says “paint me a kiss, then paint me a kiss again and again and again” She was cold lying on his bedroom floor The autumn window was open, the air marching to frozen
2.
I know why this is where I’m at – I asked for this, I remember that and I know that I don’t get to blame you. Though I’d like to – I want to scream and cry “you were so unfair you were so unkind” but the truth is all that shit was mine and nothing’s changed I’ll just push you away and then complain I will make my bed with these dirty sheets and then damn you for not laying with me let’s have a laugh at me and my bad poetry buy the first song – the rest are free even then I could make you a deal, I’d give it all up for something real none of this late night low light pondering anonymity I’d give it all up for a garden blossoming propinquity you see nothing’s changed I’ll just push you away and then complain I will make my bed with these dirty sheets and then damn you for not laying with me What I saw in you was you seeing me – we can’t have that, now can we What I saw in you was you leaving me – I mean of course you will, someday, eventually every good thing must come to an end every strong thing bends let’s just hope we mend nothing’s changed I’ll just push you away and then complain I will make my bed with these dirty sheets and then damn you for not laying with me
3.
Here I go again The same predicament I was in Not long ago And we’re all just walking spirals From the inside out Getting further from the point Less certainty more doubt This boat I’m in Is sinking But I’m saying I’m smooth sailing ‘cause I’m afraid to swim We’re all just doing laps Getting closer to the edge Where we find out that we trapped And this is all there is The same decisions To be made The same outcome To be weighed We’re just trying to stay on track And carry what we can Without breaking our backs Or breaking what began You won’t get to heaven If you don’t let this one in And we’re all just walking spirals From the inside out Getting further from the point Less certainty more doubt
4.
Map Unfolded 04:30
I watched helpless as our conversation took a turn My arms outstretched bracing as we swerve And from the ditch I see the stars of our last words hanging Never needed much fuel to go anywhere Just hello how are you and we were halfway there And in the dark we climb the bank and try to find the main road This is something I should be getting used to by now This is nothing new If I had a dime for every time that I… I’m a fool, I’m a fool. In the soft but perpetual light of this motel room We’re both awake but feigning sleep ‘cause I spoke too soon In the still I hear your breath from across the room And surely you can hear my heart It’s beating now to beat the band it’s beating now though torn apart But it would heal under your hand so please reach out This is something I should be getting used to by now This is nothing new If I had a dime for every time that I… I’m a fool, I’m a fool. I’ll close my eyes and let you drive When we arrive – don’t wake me the view might break me This is something I should be getting used to by now This is nothing new If I had a dime for every time that I… I’m a fool, I’m a fool. Let’s hit the road before the sun comes up You read the signs I’ll stare into my coffee cup I’ll try not to spill my heart out again Lord knows like my coffee it stains
5.
I’ve never known a grief as this a warmer kiss I’ll never give and I’ll never know the smile of his or what it is that turned him cold I’ll never have as many flowers again until my own days end I don’t want it to be that such beauty reminds me of just how empty a body can be and he will never know the taste of my skin or the comfort therein and I’ll never know what I’m missing I guess but I’m missing nonetheless I’m sure that this is never meant to be So don’t say this is God’s way because God is not thinking of me no I’ve never known a grief as this a warmer kiss I’ll never give as I’ve never been in love like this and a love like this never ends
6.
The declaration of spring The next it started snowing My side is aching – baby kicking to go Outside and play in the snow The declaration of spring The next day the blossoms were wearing White jackets and swearing They’d never grow To take off their green armour And bare their pink petticoats Of flesh and seed The declaration of spring I am waiting for autumn to call That’s when baby will fall A red leaf to the ground The declaration of spring I’m just serenading With a lullaby on the fact that I to the seasons am bound Until you take off your green armour And bare your pink petticoats Of flesh and bone I know that I was fighting you But who am I too deny? And after all, I’m not in control You showed me so The declaration of spring The next it started snowing My side is aching – baby kicking to go Outside and play in the snow The declaration of spring The next day the blossoms were wearing White jackets and swearing They’d never grow To take off their green armour and bare their Take off their armour and bare their Will you take off your armour and bare your Pink petticoats of flesh and bone You’re my flesh and bone You’re my flesh and bone
7.
You know I don’t play piano But I wish that I could I would find a smoky old bar, a spotlight and a sequined dress And I sing Gershwin and Porter and Jewel And the drinks would be free and the men be impressed I know if I played on those keys My love would find me You know I don’t play piano Oh but I wish that I could On holidays everyone would gather around this old monster I’d lead them in song They’d say “don’t she remind you of Irene when she plays? Yes she’s just like her grandmother and the pianos that loved her Will love her again” When she sings oh holy night, the stars were brightly shining They were shining I won’t pretend my hands haven’t known many men But as for my head – only one man will Only one man will You know I don’t play piano But I wish that I could I would find a smoky old bar, a spotlight and a sequined dress And I sing Gershwin and Porter and Jewel And the drinks would be free and the men be impressed I know if I played on those keys My love would find me Brightly shining Brightly shining
8.
Cry Baby Cry 03:37
Don’t cry baby cry don’t cry baby cry Your momma she is just a little tired You’re way past due, she’s been carrying you for 10 months now And there is no sign of you coming out So cry baby cry Don’t cry baby cry don’t cry baby cry Your momma she is just surprised She was told long ago no seed would ever grow And now that you do it’s that much harder to let go So cry baby cry Cry baby cry And that’s where she found me in my morning bed she wore red and was hurried to go And that’s where he brought me when my body bled, turned his head and I buried you both That’s when I thought this was the end, feeling hopeless – but nothing is hopeless Yes when I thought this was the end, picked up my pen and tried to write again Try to right again Don’t cry baby cry don’t cry baby cry Your momma she just needs to write There are two books now up there on the shelf There is one on how she loves you so And there is one on how she hates herself Cry baby cry Don’t cry baby cry don’t cry baby cry Your momma she is just a little tired You’re way past due, she’s been carrying you for 12 months now, 12 long months And there is no sign of you coming out So cry baby cry
9.
In His Name 04:03
Why am I angry like this? This is everything I asked Thought when I made this choice I could leave it in the past But it climbed into my bags into my pockets and in my mouth Even through clenched teeth the bitter bitch is breaking out Why am I angry like this? Why am I bleeding like this? This is just a minor scrape Well sure it was break and enter but please don’t call it – Don’t call it like you see it. You didn’t see that. Seeing is believing and I don’t believe in that I believe in beauty and I believe in love It’s what I’m here to claim, it’s what I’m here to make And it’s the only thing I will ever hear you speak of I try but I can’t describe his face Though I feel his hands on me every day But a spell that’s cast can surely break So I’ll sing this as a love song in his name Why am I laughing like this? It’s making people stare But I kind of like to watch them squirm unprepared And to tell the truth my smile she is shaking in her boots Trying to hold her ground ‘till someone sets her loose Why am I laughing like this? It’s my own little inside sick joke I try but I can’t describe his face Though I feel his hands on me every day But a spell that’s cast can surely break So I’ll sing this as a love song in his name I’ll sing for those of you who pay the cost Of something stolen that has the right to be lost I refuse to let it be in vain So I’ll sing this as a love song in his name I believe in beauty and I believe in love But I guess that’s obvious because everyone believes that stuff I believe we’ll overthrow the tyrannous reign And I believe in joy after years of pain I believe in change I try but I can’t describe his face Though I feel his hands on me every day But a spell that’s cast can surely break So I’ll sing this as a love song in his name I’ll sing for those of us who pay the cost Of something stolen that has the right to be lost I refuse to let it be in vain So I’ll sing this as a love song in his name
10.
Waterfall 05:50
I am listening to you play It’s all I can do not to run up and kiss you Yeah I’m easy that way And it’s something you better get used to So put down your guitar Come over here – play the songs that you love On my arm And move up, then move down My skin will sound as sweet as your melody and your poetry So come over here and play me I know it’s not easy To give it all up to a room full of strangers nightly Waiting for one of them to be kind And say “I know what you mean” But I know what you mean So play me I am listening to you play I am word washed and I am warm In all that you say In every last little sentence you form And I am watching your fingertips touch the strings And I am watching your lips as you sing Oh the beautiful shapes that your mouth makes I could move into them I could move like you move me And you move me like a waterfall And I fall into yours every time So come over here and fall into mine I know it’s not easy To give it all up to a room full of strangers nightly Waiting for one of them to be kind And say “I know what you mean” But I know what you mean So play me I am listening, just listening over and over You ask will I grow sick of it just listening over and over Not at all I know it’s not easy To give it all up to a room full of strangers nightly Waiting for one of them to be kind And say “I know what you mean” But I know what you mean So play me
11.
Stay outside my house is haunted And the ghosts they are undaunted by someone knew So stay in sight as I might have to save you From your grave You better run away while the running’s still good I can’t explain I’ve always been this way Oh yes oh yes Stick with me the halls are twisting And the walls they are listening And they will tell so whisper And I will hear you, as I am near you In every way You better run away while the running’s still good I can’t explain I’ve always been this way A kind of burial winter ground The cold reaches through your bones and pulls your heart out Oh yes oh yes I must say you seem fine you seem calm and unscathed I’m amazed how the time is passing And you stay Runaway while the running’s still good I can’t explain I’ve always been this way A kind of burial winter ground The cold reaches through your bones and pulls your heart out Yes the cold reaches through your bones and pulls your heart out I’ll reach right through your bones and pull your heart out Oh yes oh yes
12.
Intro 00:55
13.
Sweetheart 01:47
“Sweetheart, sweetheart” that’s what he’d say “I knew you would call so I washed my face today. You’re the apple of my eye – and my good eye at that” That’s what he’d say, my Dad. And I sat at his desk and I tried to collect What was left of his essence on these crowded shelves I don’t know where souls go and how will his know To stay beside me when I’m already beside myself Some are so quick to romanticize death Saying “he was a saint” now that he’s dead But it’s a matter of opinion when it comes to the past And it’d difficult to reconcile when he’s not here to ask

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released May 20, 2008

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Christa Couture Toronto, Ontario

“A remarkable chanteuse, singing superb material,” deems Roots Music of Christa Couture, an award-winning indie artist who has built a reputation for transforming tragedy into musical triumph, with sharp-shooting wit, effortless grace, and heart-on-sleeve intensity. ... more

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